Let me start off by stating that I am incredibly thankful for this pregnancy. I feel so blessed to be carrying this little miracle, but pregnancy has not been all sunshine and rainbows. Fortunately, I have had no morning sickness and my emotions are manageable. I have not had any cravings or smells that make me want to vomit. But the constant exhaustion in the first and third trimester have been draining the life out of me, I am uncomfortable with all the changes in my body, and there are so many insecurities I hold with all the unknown. I stay awake at night worrying and trying to “perfect” what our little blended family will look like.
How will I find the perfect balance in making everyone feel loved in the family?
What is the best way to transition Claire from an only child to a big sister?
How do we make sure Claire does not feel left out when she is away from us during the Holidays?
These questions had my mind spinning and reading every parenting book/article I can put my hands on. Then I decided to just let it all go. I cannot expect to be a perfect stepmom or mom, nor should anyone else expect me to. But I can pray, I can try, and I can learn from my mistakes.
After deciding to let it go and give it to Jesus I have had this overwhelming peace. Joy comes with the peace in accepting that I will mess up from time to time. I feel so relaxed and simply waiting for the arrival of baby Karis.
How Far Along: 32, almost 33 weeks!
Size of Karis: A classic (but stylish) looking fanny pack
Symptoms: Not being able to sleep at night and obsessive nesting.
Loving: The nesting part: I am an organizer, a list maker, a doer… so this experience has been great for me. I also appreciate how much she kicks, it tells me that she is doing okay. And oh my word, the nursey decorating has been so much fun. Makes me excited for the next baby – too soon?
Loathing: Bending over to pick things up, getting in and out of the car, getting in and out of bed. It feels like a full workout trying to do normal things with this belly.
Movement: She is constantly moving and will not stop. Sometimes I ask, very nicely, if she can just chill for a second so I can get some sleep. She does not like it when I put a book on top of my belly to read at night or if Balboa rests his head on my belly while sleeping. She will start fussing and trying to kick off whatever is on my belly. (Already a bossy little girl – mama is going to have to change that).
Missing Most: Fitting into my old clothes, I miss dressing up. That and a simple glass of wine would be nice.
Can’t Wait: To hold and snuggle sweet baby girl. To start working out again and do a cleanse. For Claire to hold Karis and become a big sister.
All photographs taken by: Kati Hewitt Photography